Herp Funnies

Herp related cartoons, comic strips and humerous images and herpetology related jokes

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Images

Text jokes, etc

My snake was very thin and sick , so I took it to the vet. The vet took a quick look and said, Sorry, your snake is going to die, that will be $20. I said is that all I get for $20 ? He took the snake over to a floppy-eared rabbit, and the rabbit pointed his ears straight up to the ceiling ... He took it to a Black Labrador dog, and the dog stuck out his tongue and shook its head ... He took it to a cat, the cat opened her eyes very wide and then shook its head violently ... He said, "That will be $350..... $50 for the second opinion, $75 for Lab tests and $225 for the CAT scan.

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Two turtles crossing the road hit each other head on and were both knocked unconscious. The policeman who was summoned to investigate the accident tried to find a witness, but only found a snail nearby. "Did you see the accident?" the officer asked. "Can you tell me what happened?" "Yes I saw it" replied the snail, "but it all happened so fast !"

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An English philosopher was visiting India, and was introduced to a holy man. The philosopher asked the Man the nature of the world, and the old man replied: "The world is a great ball sitting on the great flat back of the Great World Turtle." The Englishman of course asked "What does the turtle stand on?" The seer replied "Why on the back of an even larger turtle of course!" Then the Englishman asked "and what does THIS turtle stand on?" The old man shook his head and sweetly smiled and said "it is no use my son, it is turtles all the way down"

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One Liners - we're sparing you the REALLY corny ones -

What do you call a snake who works for the government ?

A civil serpent

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What do you call a python with a great bedside manner ?

A snake charmer

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What subject are snakes good at in school ?

Hiss-tory

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Why did the two boa constrictors get married ?

Because they had a crush on each other

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Why are snakes hard to fool ?

They have no legs to pull

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Which hand would you use to pick up a dangerous snake ?

Someone else's

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What do you do if you find a poisonous snake in your toilet ?

Wait till he's finished

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Why can't you trust snakes ?

They speak with forked tongues

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What do you get if you cross a snake and a lego set ?

A boa constructor

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What kind of mail do rattlesnakes get ?

Fang letters

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What do you give a sick snake ?

Asp-rin

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